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- FOOTBALL AGENT
Don’t tell an English doctor about your "crise de foie" !
Most French people living in the UK have strong views about English doctors . Generally speaking, they would rather have their fingernails pulled out than be treated for anything remotely serious in London.
However , even if currently suffering from seasonal excess and unable to run for the Eurostar to head to Paris for treatment , they would be well-advised not even to think about going to see a GP looking for sympathy about their ‘crise de foie’. You see, the Brits do not believe that such a thing even exists.
Abraracourcix / Vitalstatistix gets sent off to take the waters by Panoramix / Getafix , accompanied by Asterix and Obelix. Less well-known celebrities (Jennifer Aniston, Gwyneth Paltrow, Lady Gaga , Beyonce etc) swear by some permutation of lemon juice, raw vegetables , baby food and colonic irrigation, but the British Liver Trust gives a great display of what the French refer to as ‘ le phlegme brittanique’ by simply advising people to eat and drink a bit less for a few days .
This revolutionary advice , which could put half the French pharmaceutical industry out of business if implemented on the other side of the Channel, is based on the natural powers of recovery of our major organs and the body’s prodigious capacity to treat and expel waste. The liver apparently returns to normal in as little as 24 hours without needing any particular encouragement.
Detox will not therefore banish cellulite, make your skin glow and banish bloating. You do not need to eat only beans, tofu and nuts and drink only water for the next month. Just take an aspirin and have an early night - which is pretty much the treatment that an English GP will recommend for anything anyway.
So forget your ‘crise de foie’.
Now ‘les jambes lourdes’, that’s another matter!